from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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