She said her name was "party"
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
