Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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