Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
