He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
