My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
