is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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