dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
