I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
