im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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