My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
