I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
