there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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