You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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