this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
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She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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