your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
