all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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