I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Randomize
