Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
