I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize