thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
