sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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