i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
