awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
