She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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