she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
