i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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