He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
