Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
