it was like eating out sand paper
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
