So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
