I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
