I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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