You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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