I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You smell like stripper and shame
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
