i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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