i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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