I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
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Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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