im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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