just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
