Me. At least after what I've been through.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
