this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
