we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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