I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
where am i from again
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
