dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
