I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize