His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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