My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I see more hoeing in ur future
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
