I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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