I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
