Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
