Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you told grandpa to call you daddy
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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