Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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