Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
