I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
