Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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