I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
