I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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