pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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