so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
