just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
