we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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