So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
