I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
