grandma shit on top of the toilet
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
