I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
