so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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