I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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