I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
