I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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