On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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