The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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