Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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