Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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